Why I’m Not Leaving The Church

Nick Minerva • Apr 12, 2021

I don’t know that I should still be in church.

Now obviously that statement needs some explanation, so let me tell you my story.

I grew up the son of a preacher. (Sorry if that song is now stuck in your head.) For a little over a decade my dad stepped out of ministry and became a probation officer. Then when I was in 6th grade we went back into ministry and my dad served as a pastor in 2 different churches. In 2011, my dad took his life. He had been involved in a lot of immoral and illegal activity and when the police came to arrest him, he took his own life. In the months that followed I learned a lot about my dad that I’m thankful had been shielded from me when I was growing up. The sin that led to him taking his life was just the tip of the iceberg and had been a consistent pattern throughout his life. And I’ll be honest, I took a hard look at what I believed and what I was doing with my life.

Do I want to pursue being a pastor at a church?

Is church even worth it?

Is Christianity even real?

I have a friend who recently heard my story ask me “ Why are you still in ministry and even in church? ”

That’s a good question.

Now I’m not sharing my story with you so that you feel bad for me. I feel plenty bad for myself. Just ask my therapist. I share my story because I want you to know that I understand that church can hurt. It’s something that I have been learning to live with every day for the past decade. I’m also not writing this as an assistant pastor—someone within the church establishment who you would expect to write this. I’m writing it as someone who has been hurt in the church. When I talk about not leaving the church I don’t want you to think that I am unaware of the damage that has been done in the church and by church leaders. Many have had their faith solidified by men like Ravi Zacharias only to have it all come crashing down because of their abuse. I get it. I’ve lived it.

The church is the body of Christ. In God’s design, the church is supposed to be his physical representative on earth. (1 Corinthians 12:27) This can be so beautiful when the church operates the way God designed it to. But when hurt or abuse enters the scene it becomes equally painful. The very thing that was supposed to represent God’s grace and mercy in your life was the thing that brought devastation and pain.


If you are reading this and you too have been hurt by the church, my heart breaks for you. What you’ve experienced shouldn’t have happened. I wish I had better answers for you. But instead of offering some feeble explanation, I want you to know that you are not alone. Christ feels your pain. Remember, you are a part of his body. He cares about you. (Ephesians 5:29-30). That means when you hurt, he hurts. That means when someone, even a religious leader, is the cause of your pain or abuse, Christ feels it. He even goes so far as to say it was done to him. (Acts 9:4) Jesus even warns the wayward church that if they don’t repent and put Jesus first he will “remove their lampstand.” (Revelation 2:4-5) Christ does not consider them part of the church. If you really want to know how he feels about it, check out Matthew 18:6. It says But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away — it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea. If that is where you still find yourself, leave that “church.” My family and I did. We got to a point where healing was not possible in our location. So we made he courageous decision, packed up everything, and moved. But don’t give up on THE Church. I promise you, there is a body of believers who want to walk alongside you and help you experience authentic grace.

 

I, like you, have deep wounds. But even still, I am writing this from a deeper love and care for the church—the body of Christ—because it was through the church that I found healing. It was in the church that I found an older mentor who had gone through similar circumstances and was able to walk with me through the pain I was enduring. He showed me for the first time in my life what it was like to relate to God as my Father. In our new church we are an authentic community, friends who we can lean on, friends who listen, and aren't afraid of our mess. Friends who I could be with and say nothing, or say anything and they were present with me. This church gives us a safe space and supports us as we walk through our grief and trauma. They are helping us unpack our pain and equipping us to process and spiritually heal as we try to move forward with our lives. Sitting in church every week, as a lay person, has fed our souls when we were too tired or angry to feed ourselves. When we couldn't even show up, that was okay too. It was through the church that we are learning what real grace is.

 

 

I realize how fortunate I am to have had the experience I’ve had in the local church I call home. But it isn’t perfect. I learned to deal with well-meaning people saying very stupid things. (Much of which I can laugh at now.) I learned I needed to set some boundaries. Some didn’t understand how much time healing takes. No, my church isn’t perfect. Neither am I. I’ve been the one who said stupid things. I’ve thought “I should be over this by now.” Imperfectly growing with imperfect people is messy. But I’ve learned there is beauty in this mess too. It’s in this mess that you become known and loved and there is so much healing in that space. (If you find yourself in a church culture that isn’t sinful or abusive, but it’s also not conducive to healing, let me encourage you to be a conduit of changing grace in that church. If you are not in a position to do that, move to Yuma. I’ve got a great church for you.)

 

Why am I still in the church? Where else would I go? The world is full of hurt. The world is full of pain. But true, healing grace is in the church, the body of Christ.

Why am I still in church? The answer is simple: “Because I’m still in Jesus.”

A Creed To Remind The Gathered Church Of Its New Life In Christ

By Nick Minerva • 14 Jul, 2023
When I was pastoring I wanted to read a blessing over the church that would remind all of us of our new life in Christ. So I wrote this new life creed and every week I would read it and remind us of what Christ had done for us. We gather together as believers professing our great need We acknowledge that we have fallen short We confess that we are rebels who have gone our own way Apart from Christ, we stand condemned, guilty, and unable to save ourselves But what we are incapable of doing, God did In his infinite love, God made a way of salvation for all who would believe Jesus willingly laid down his life and received the just punishment we deserve So that could walk in new life So yes, we confess our great need We humbly recognize that apart from Christ we are incapable of any good thing But we also proclaim that because of the finished work of the cross we will never be apart from Christ We are forever secure in the love of the Father We have been sealed by the Holy Spirit All because of the sacrifice of the Son, Jesus Christ. We are no longer in bondage to sin We are no longer facing righteous wrath We have been declared holy by our King And nothing on heaven or earth will change that reality This gathering is a testimony to our redeemed state We pursue holy living to be an authentic demonstration of the love we have for Christ We believe that we have been empowered by grace to meet our every need And we gladly anticipate the complete fulfillment of our adaption and the remaking of this world at the coming of our Lord To Christ be glory forever and ever Amen

A Praying Church: A Book Review

By Nick Minerva • 23 May, 2023
Prayer is one of those topics that always seems to convict me. I have never heard a sermon or read a book on prayer and not been challenged. Even as I am writing this review there is a bit of imposter syndrome because I know I should pray more. In A Praying Church , Paul Miller writes about how to become a people of hope in a discouraging world through prayer. And he does so in a way that was very authentic and accessible. While I was consistently challenged, I was also consistently encouraged. Throughout the book, he takes you on his journey of developing a personal prayer life plus countless stories of ministries that developed communal prayer as a vital component of their life together. One thing that struck home with me throughout these stories was the reality that prayer always grows out of desperation for God. There were several things that I found very helpful in this book. One of them was the connection between a life yielded to the Holy Spirit and a vibrant prayer life. The power to do anything of eternal importance comes from the Holy Spirit and the Spirit moves in response to prayer. Paul shows us a biblical pattern we see throughout the New Testament. Prayer-Spirit-Jesus-power. However, this is not a simple formula to get God to do what you want. Another thing I appreciated about this book is Paul tells us time and again that the Spirit often moves in ways we don’t expect and that almost always includes difficulties. The Spirit enables us to look more like Jesus and that means joining him in the fellowship of his suffering. So this is not a “how to turn God into your personal genie” scheme, like many books on prayer. God often answers in ways we don’t expect and in places we don’t anticipate. This book is also full of practical help. I’ve already mentioned the stories he tells, but Paul also offers several helpful charts, strategies, and ideas to help put into place what he writes about (and lives by.) At the end of each chapter, he has a section called “A Word To Pastors” with a few paragraphs of wisdom to help them become a person of prayer and then lead their congregation to become a church of prayer. This book also made me thankful that I am a part of a church that has sought to grow in corporate prayer over the last few years. This would be a great book for any ministry leader who is burdened with the prayer life of his or her church. But it’s also a great read for any believer seeking to develop their own prayer life. Crossway was kind to send me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. You can get a copy of it at the affiliate link below.

Non-Toxic Masculinity: A Book Review

By Nick Minerva • 28 Apr, 2023
Let me start this review by saying everyone should read this book. If you've grown up in Evangelicalism, you‘ve no doubt heard of purity culture. For the last several years we have seen the harm that has come as a result of this sub-group of Christianity. In Non-Toxic Masculinity, Zachary Wagner does an excellent job unpacking its teaching and the damage that has come as a result. He explains so well the angst I've been feeling with the movement and how often the Church falls short and winds up doing more damage. But unlike many critiques, this one also points a way forward. We know what toxic male sexuality looks like. We see it in the news and unfortunately, in the Church. But what does healthy male sexuality look like? What does it look like for me? What will it look like for my boys? In my heart, I know what I want it to look like, but so often I struggle to find the right words to express it. Non-Toxic Masculinity paints a healthy picture that is (re)humanizing and ultimately looks like Jesus, who, like all of us, had a sexual body. Zach is also very transparent in this book and God used his transparency to encourage, challenge, and convict me. As you read his story you will no doubt find yourself resonating with him on some level. Every man should read this book for themselves first and foremost. But if you have sons, nephews, grandsons, or young boys in your life, reading it is a must. Non-Toxic Masculinity is a breath of fresh air that will prove to be a tremendous resource for generations. Thank you Zach for writing it and sharing your story to serve us.
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