What I'm Learning pt. 1

Sarah Minerva • Mar 07, 2022

Ever been skydiving? I have. But not the kind you're thinking.


If I could describe the last year of my life, I might compare it to reluctantly riding in a helicopter, getting pushed out over the Grand Canyon, and then being thrown a parachute mid-air, only to spend the next year trying to climb my way out of the biggest hole on earth. (Is it technically a hole? Feels like a hole.)


Maybe I’m being slightly dramatic. Maybe not. I’m not really sure. I’m not entirely out of the hole yet. (We landed on hole, right?)


All jokes aside, I have never questioned God, what I believe and why I believe what I believe as I have during this season. 


If you’ve been following the blog for a while now, you’ve probably read about our miscarriage that happened in December of 2020. (what a way to end that year, huh?) Ever since then it seemed like as soon as we would catch our breath, another crisis took over. From the almost life-threatening complications from the miscarriage which then led to PTSD, (possibly a future blog post—hats off to all the mental health survivors out there) to the deepest hurt and betrayal I’ve ever experienced, this past year was one hit after another. It’s hard for me to write this and not feel like I’m being dramatic, but as my therapist told me, “Most people only have a few major life crises scattered throughout the span of their life. You’ve had about 7 and they all happened in the last year.”  


This past year has no doubt been hard, but God has used it to convince me of some truths I knew in my head before, but now know in my heart. 


“But everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ. More than that, I also consider EVERYTHING to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of him I have suffered the loss of all things and consider them as dung, so that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own from the law, but one that is through faith in Christ—the righteousness from God based on faith. My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death…” Philippians 3:7-10 (CSB)


It’s one thing to say my goal in life is to know God. It’s another thing for it to actually be true. 


After experiencing panic attacks for the first time in my life and the spiraling fear they brought with them, I often found myself afraid to live. Not survive. Survival mode was in full force. I mean live with passion, with something to actually live for. Because if I had reason to live, that meant I had something I could lose. I was frustrated with myself because I thought for sure I was the type of Christian who took up their cross and followed Jesus with a smile. Turns out I’m not.  


I was scared to love my husband, my kids because what if lose them, too? I was afraid to trust anyone, because what if they were living a lie and would eventually hurt me? I saw God as a master manipulator who didn’t care at all about me but was ultimately only concerned about himself and I was just a pawn in his game. How could he be genuinely good when people I trusted turned out to be living a lie? So many rugs had been pulled out from under me, I was having trouble finding ground to stand on. And the resulting fear I experienced was paralyzing. 


My faith was shaken. And I began to doubt. God’s goodness. His love. His glory. Was it all a scheme? Had I bought into another lie? Did he actually love me or did he just say that to manipulate me into bringing him glory, because after all, that’s what the Christian life is all about? 


God used the difficulties I was facing to peel back the layers of my heart and expose it for what it was. It wasn’t a heart secure in Christ, but instead a heart that was gripped by comfort and control. When what I thought would be an easy, normal pregnancy turned into the loss of a child, my illusion of control was stripped away. When I had to spend over 3 months in bed, in and out of the ER, doctor’s offices, blood work labs, and ultrasound visits due to miscarriage complications, comfort took a backseat and survival kicked into high gear. When relationships were broken and friends who were family had to move, I was left reeling and grieving. 


It wasn’t until these things were taken away that God showed me there’s only one thing in this life that will never be taken away—Jesus. He is the one secure thing I have. He is the one person I will never lose. And from that place of hopeful brokenness, God began to make himself alive and big in my heart. 


When I had nowhere else to turn, I could turn to Jesus. When it felt like I had nothing left to hold on to, I could be held by Jesus. But it didn’t end there. It didn’t end with a rescue. What started from a place of desperation grew into a joy-filled surrender. When I could see Jesus for more than what he could do for me and start to see him for he who was, that’s when things started to change. But it meant taking off the lenses I had on—the lenses of control, of comfort, of fear, of unbelief. I had to see God for who he was, not for who I thought he was. At first, I wasn’t too concerned with God himself, I was just desperate and knew he was the answer. So in my self-consumed state, He wrapped his arms around me, carried me out of the hole, and began to show me the fellowship of his sufferings and the power of his resurrection, which would eventually lead to one life goal—knowing him.


It’s tempting to stay in a state of brokenness. I can play the victim, I can have a “woe is me” attitude and my flesh likes that. It’s appealing to make everything about me. What starts as a necessary step becomes a place where too many Christians get stuck. We get focused on ourselves and our suffering, and we forget who suffered more. We need to be broken. We need to be humbled. This step is vital. It is a crucifying of ourselves, but it’s not ultimately about us. As Paul said, it is a chance to experience a glimpse of what Christ endured for us. “My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death.” Phil. 3:10 (CSB)


Because of what I was going through, I could feel a glimpse of what Jesus felt when he suffered the cross. If I was experiencing the fallout of just one person’s sin, what would it have been like for Jesus to carry that for the entire world? If anyone knows what it feels like to lose a child, isn’t it God? 


Oh, how small our suffering is compared to Jesus’s. How can we even compare our suffering to his? Yet God is so good, he lets us share in the fellowship of his suffering so we can know him more. What a way to know God. What a chance to see him, in all his glory, in all his love. 


But the gospel does not end at the cross. After the cross comes the resurrection. How do we experience the resurrecting power of Jesus here on earth? Stay tuned for my next blog post on the second truth God has convinced me of this past year. 

A Creed To Remind The Gathered Church Of Its New Life In Christ

By Nick Minerva • 14 Jul, 2023
When I was pastoring I wanted to read a blessing over the church that would remind all of us of our new life in Christ. So I wrote this new life creed and every week I would read it and remind us of what Christ had done for us. We gather together as believers professing our great need We acknowledge that we have fallen short We confess that we are rebels who have gone our own way Apart from Christ, we stand condemned, guilty, and unable to save ourselves But what we are incapable of doing, God did In his infinite love, God made a way of salvation for all who would believe Jesus willingly laid down his life and received the just punishment we deserve So that could walk in new life So yes, we confess our great need We humbly recognize that apart from Christ we are incapable of any good thing But we also proclaim that because of the finished work of the cross we will never be apart from Christ We are forever secure in the love of the Father We have been sealed by the Holy Spirit All because of the sacrifice of the Son, Jesus Christ. We are no longer in bondage to sin We are no longer facing righteous wrath We have been declared holy by our King And nothing on heaven or earth will change that reality This gathering is a testimony to our redeemed state We pursue holy living to be an authentic demonstration of the love we have for Christ We believe that we have been empowered by grace to meet our every need And we gladly anticipate the complete fulfillment of our adaption and the remaking of this world at the coming of our Lord To Christ be glory forever and ever Amen

A Praying Church: A Book Review

By Nick Minerva • 23 May, 2023
Prayer is one of those topics that always seems to convict me. I have never heard a sermon or read a book on prayer and not been challenged. Even as I am writing this review there is a bit of imposter syndrome because I know I should pray more. In A Praying Church , Paul Miller writes about how to become a people of hope in a discouraging world through prayer. And he does so in a way that was very authentic and accessible. While I was consistently challenged, I was also consistently encouraged. Throughout the book, he takes you on his journey of developing a personal prayer life plus countless stories of ministries that developed communal prayer as a vital component of their life together. One thing that struck home with me throughout these stories was the reality that prayer always grows out of desperation for God. There were several things that I found very helpful in this book. One of them was the connection between a life yielded to the Holy Spirit and a vibrant prayer life. The power to do anything of eternal importance comes from the Holy Spirit and the Spirit moves in response to prayer. Paul shows us a biblical pattern we see throughout the New Testament. Prayer-Spirit-Jesus-power. However, this is not a simple formula to get God to do what you want. Another thing I appreciated about this book is Paul tells us time and again that the Spirit often moves in ways we don’t expect and that almost always includes difficulties. The Spirit enables us to look more like Jesus and that means joining him in the fellowship of his suffering. So this is not a “how to turn God into your personal genie” scheme, like many books on prayer. God often answers in ways we don’t expect and in places we don’t anticipate. This book is also full of practical help. I’ve already mentioned the stories he tells, but Paul also offers several helpful charts, strategies, and ideas to help put into place what he writes about (and lives by.) At the end of each chapter, he has a section called “A Word To Pastors” with a few paragraphs of wisdom to help them become a person of prayer and then lead their congregation to become a church of prayer. This book also made me thankful that I am a part of a church that has sought to grow in corporate prayer over the last few years. This would be a great book for any ministry leader who is burdened with the prayer life of his or her church. But it’s also a great read for any believer seeking to develop their own prayer life. Crossway was kind to send me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. You can get a copy of it at the affiliate link below.

Non-Toxic Masculinity: A Book Review

By Nick Minerva • 28 Apr, 2023
Let me start this review by saying everyone should read this book. If you've grown up in Evangelicalism, you‘ve no doubt heard of purity culture. For the last several years we have seen the harm that has come as a result of this sub-group of Christianity. In Non-Toxic Masculinity, Zachary Wagner does an excellent job unpacking its teaching and the damage that has come as a result. He explains so well the angst I've been feeling with the movement and how often the Church falls short and winds up doing more damage. But unlike many critiques, this one also points a way forward. We know what toxic male sexuality looks like. We see it in the news and unfortunately, in the Church. But what does healthy male sexuality look like? What does it look like for me? What will it look like for my boys? In my heart, I know what I want it to look like, but so often I struggle to find the right words to express it. Non-Toxic Masculinity paints a healthy picture that is (re)humanizing and ultimately looks like Jesus, who, like all of us, had a sexual body. Zach is also very transparent in this book and God used his transparency to encourage, challenge, and convict me. As you read his story you will no doubt find yourself resonating with him on some level. Every man should read this book for themselves first and foremost. But if you have sons, nephews, grandsons, or young boys in your life, reading it is a must. Non-Toxic Masculinity is a breath of fresh air that will prove to be a tremendous resource for generations. Thank you Zach for writing it and sharing your story to serve us.
More Posts
Share by: